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Calling Home letra
I'm okay at basketball... baseball was more my thing....
Well, uh, I think they have a pickup game goin on at 10 AM tomorrow
morning in the main gym for us freshmen
You playin?
It's a co-ed game, so it's a good chance to see some hungover chicks run
up and down the court, watch their titties bounce, and hopefully have them
back up into your morning dick wood while you D up...
That could be nice
You wanna head over to that frat party and start shotgunning some beers?
Just give me a few minutes, I gotta call my family, tell em I'm all
situated here...
Good deal... I'll be in the bathroom whackin it
(phone dials and rings)
...that's because Mrs. Snidel had her eyebrows and babushka lasered
off, hello?
Hey mom, I'm at school, I'm all moved in, everything's great...
Oh, wonderful... what side of the room did you take?
You mean left or right or... what do you mean?
What side of the room? Did you go window or electrical outlet?
There's, like, five outlets and the window's in the middle of me and
my roommate...
Oh, so everyone wins, how nice... Does your roommate do ecstasy or
snort heroine?
I didn't ask him, mom...
Well, if he does, tell him you're not interested... Not because you're a
nerd, but say it gives you bad diareah(?)
Okay, ma, sounds good...
Yeah!
I gotta get goin, there's an orientation party that's mandatory for
freshmen to attend...
Oh, you should bring cupcakes... When you hand them out to the other
kids, you say 'hi, my name's Tyler, here's to a sweet first year at
college!'
Uh... okay...
You won't, but you should
I will next time... say hi to everybody for me, mom...
You say hello! It'll take you two seconds! They're all at the dinner table
dying to talk to you... Everyone, Tyler's on the phone!
(background)
Man: Hey, hey, hey! Mr. College!
Woman:Who's on the phone?
Mom:Tyler, mom!
Other Man:Let me talk to the superstar!
Mom: Okay, here's your brother!
Other Man:Thanks, mumsy... Hey shitstains, how's it hangin?
Not bad, Pete... It's pretty awesome here...
You gettin laid yet?
Nah, just unpacked...
But I'm sure you found time to smoke a few dicks and lick a few asses, right?
Nooo...
How's the dining hall? Full of tasty beaver?
Yeah, there were a lot of cute girls... and the food wasn't too bad, either..
they actually served chicken parmigian...
Why don't you slap some of that parmigian cheese on a big fat pair of
college jugs and have them for dinner, you fuckin dickwacker?
I'll work on that...
DER! Anyways, I talked to a couple of my landscaping buddies and we
figured that we got a long weekend with you in early Rocktober, cause
Ronnie James Dio is playin up there...
Oh, okay...
Tell your roommate I got his bed
Uh, you can sleep in my bed
That's where Fitz is sleepin, you fuckin asshole!
Man:Hey, I just wanna say hello! Give me the phone!
Pete:Alright, dad! Sorry I didn't go to college like Alfred Einstein here, but
I'm a person too!
Dad:Just give me the phone, moron... How you doin kiddo?
Good, dad...
You enjoyin your freedom?
Yeah...
Don't get anyone pregnant...
I won't...
Okay... here's your grandma
Dad, I don't have time!
Dad:Say hello, there...
Grandma:Who is it? The ladies from the classical shop?
Pete:No grandma, it's the pharmacy
Grandma:Oh, good! Hi, Dimitri, did the cream for my vaginal warts
come in? Cause, like, we're talkin about they're starting to spread
towards the anus...
Pete:Hahahahaha!
Grandma, it's not Dimitri, it's Tyler...
Oh, hi, Bubbie... why aren't you here? We're getting ready to eat!
Grandma, we talked this morning, remember? I went away to school...
Oh, how marvelous! Well, don't study too much or you'll drive yourself
bananas! Take some time for yourself too
Thanks, grandma, I will
College is supposed to be fun!
Yeah...
I had my first gal on gal experience in college!
Ooh...
Dee Snyder was her name... too much hair downstairs... not for me!
That's nice, grandma...
Alright, don't pierce your nipples!
I won't...
Pete:You didn't know grandma dyked out before, did ya?
No, fortunately she never told me...
Have fun gettin that image out of your head tonight when you beat your meat!
Thanks...
Uh oh, dude! Someone else wants to say hello!
(fart)
Hahahahaha! Did you hear that beef?
Yeah, nice job...
Four straight seconds! Let's hear you rip one that long!
I can't...
Damn right, you can't! Cause they don't teach that in one of your stupid
books! You're either born with it or you're not!
Yeah, you got the magic...
(doorbell)
Hold on a second, dildo, someone's at the door...
I can't hold on, I have to go!
Mom:Coming, just let me put the dog downstairs! Okay!
(Door opens)
You gotta be kidding me....
Man:Hello, there...
Mom:Bernie! What brings you over here?
Bernie:I'm just returning the power drill Walter lent me last week
Dad:That's not my drill, Bernie!
Bernie:Well, I guess it's mine! May I eat now?
Mom:Oh, that's why you came over...
Bernie:Yes...
Dad:Terrific, come join us... Pete, go get Bernie a folding chair from the closet!
Pete:Why can't grandma?
Dad:Just do it!
Bernie:Thank you, Walter... Hello, Yeta, how's your health?
Grandma:My labia lips itch, but other than that, I'm fine... knock on wood!
Dad:See, Yeta? The fake wood leg comes in handy!
Grandma:True dat!
(Everyone laughs)
Hello? I have to go!!!
Pete:Sit down, Mr. Fetterman... but don't crush that big hog of yours!
Bernie:Pardon me?
Pete:I said Tyler's on the horn from college
Bernie:Quickly, give me the phone! (sniff) Why does this phone smell so
bad?
Pete:I dunno... I didn't fart in it! But I think my grandma crapped herself...
Bernie:Oh, okay.. Tyler, it's Mr. Fetterman!
Hey, Mr. Fetterman, how you doin?
Do you have a roommate, Tyler?
Yeah, I do...
I must speak to him immediately
He's in the bathroom...
Go get him and bring him to me, now!
Okay... (knock) Hey Brandon!
Brandon:Hold on a second! Come on, Oprah... Let me cum in your
bellybutton! Ohmygod! Oh! love it... (flush) Yeah? What's up?
Could you do me a favor and talk to somebody for a minute?
Yeah, sure... Hello?
Bernie: Hello to you, my friend!
Who dis?
The question isn't who I am, the question is who are you?
Um... What does that mean?
It means you can't escape the truth! What are your plans? To turn Tyler
into a giant recording machine so you that you can take my thoughts to
your leader?
Uh... Come again?
What is your real name? Where do you hail from?
Uh, Brandon Seikz, Im from Oceanside, Long Island...
How dumb do you think I am? Your name is 4-7 and you are a robot made
in a factory on the planet Yumnatz!
Really?
I know this because I too have radar!
I see...
We can make this easy or we can make this intensely difficult... The choice
is yours...
Umm... I'll go with not difficult...
Fine... then pass this message along to your leader... I know about the
pidgeons, so that's not gonna work anymore! I also have buried the blender
in the backyard so better luck next time! I am not an amateur!
Did not say you were...
Let's call it a truce, or let's call it the end of mankind as we know it! Either
way, fuck you! Are we clear, 4-7?
Oh, I get it... I'm on the radio!
Then the message has been sent!
Tyler:Just give me the phone, Brandon...
Brandon:Nice talkin to yall!
Bernie:Die, alien!
Tyler:Sorry bout that, dude...
Brandon:Not a problem!
Tyler:Don't worry, Mr. Fetterman, I got everything under control
I know you do, Tyler, and if he causes any trouble just pull his battery
pack, that'll take him out of the game...
Good deal... Let me just say goodbye to my mother...
Right... and remember, no glove no love, alright?
Yeah, I'll remember that...
Nancy!
Pete:Hey, fuckface! Have fun telling ghost stories tonight with your new
pussy friends!
I will...
Suck a hairy nipple! Here, mumsy!
Mom:Stop cursing!
Pete:I wasn't, mom!
Mom:Just go play with your cock and balls...
Pete:Right away, mom...
Alright, baby, did you remember to bring your dandruff shampoo?
Yeah, I did, mom...
Take the label off if you're embarrassed for your roommate to see it...
I will..
Okay, go have fun at the mixer... call us when you get back to your room
Call ya? It's probly gonna be late, ma!
That's no problem, we'll all wait up, bye bye! (click)
Man, my family aint easy to deal with sometimes...
Nobodys is!
What, your family's a little nutty also?
Oh yes... Ya know? I should actually give them a call, too, let em know
I'm okay...
You got it, I'll be in the bathroom whackin it to my grandma eating out
Dee Snyder...
Good deal...(dialing and ringing)
Gay Robot: Hello?
Hey dad!
Hello, son! Did you join a fraternity yet?
I'm workin on it
Well, when you do, I'll come visit so I can fuck all your new brothers!
You're too horny, dad!
True dat!
Hahahahaha
Hahahahaha
Good times...
Great times...
Adam Sandler - Letras
- 50 Ways To Get Bin Laden
- 7 Foot Man
- A Christmas Song
- Assistant Principal's Big Day
- Assistant Principal's Big Day
- At A Medium Pace
- At The Mall
- At The Mall (feat. Kevin Grady)
- Baby Got Jack
- Back 2 School
- Bad Boyfriend
- Best Friend
- Billy Madison's Victory Song
- Buddy
- Buddy[moving Train]
- Bum Biddy
- Calling Home
- Camp Granada
- Chanukah Song (III)
- Chris Farley Tribute
- Cock N Balls
- Cool Guy 1
- Cool Guy 2
- Cool Guy 3
- Cool Guy 4
- Cool Guy 5
- Cordurory Blues
- Corduroy Blues
- Crazy Love
- Creapin´ On The Mayor
- Dancin' And Pantsin
- Dancing In The Dark
- Davey's Song
- Dee Wee (My Friend the Massive Idiot)
- Dip Doodle
- Do It For Your Mama
- Dream On
- Eggs And Candy (Snl)
- Fatty McGee
- Fleiznavidad
- Food Innuendo Guy
- Forgetful Lucy
- Four Years Old
- Funny Happy Birthday Song
- Gay Robot
- Girl
- Grow Old With You
- Hanukkah
- Hanukkah Song Part One
- I Feel Pretty
- I Feel Pretty(Anger Managment)
- I Like Small Butts
- I Ran Over The Taco Bell Dog
- I Wanna Grow Old With You
- I Will Go Back To School
- I'm So Wasted
- Im Not
- Instead of one day of presents
- Intervention Song
- Joining The Cult
- Kermet and Big Bird Stoned
- Knocking Heaven's Door
- Leabing Song Part II
- Let It Out, Davey
- Linda Song
- Listenin' To The Radio
- Long Ago
- Love Stinks
- Lunchlady Land
- Masturbata
- Medium Pace
- Memory Lane
- Mother's Day Song
- Moyda
- Mr. Bake-O
- Mr. Spindel's Phone Call
- My Little Chicken
- Ode To My Car
- Oh Mom...
- Operaman
- Patch Song
- Pibb Goes Surfing
- Pibb Tries The Skateboarding
- Pickin' Daisies
- Piece Of Shit Car
- Real Love
- Red Hooded Sweatshirt
- Respect
- Right Field
- Santa Song
- Secret
- Sex Or Weight Lifting
- She Comes Home To Me
- Sid & Alex
- Sloppy Joe
- Somebody Kill Me
- Stan The Man
- Station 69
- Steve Polychronopolous
- Stoned on Sesame Street
- Sun Tan Lotion Song
- Sweat Beatrice
- Technical Foul
- Teenage Love On The Phone
- Thanksgiving Song
- The Adventures Of The Cow
- The Amazing Willy Wanker
- The Beating Of A High School Bus Driver
- The Beating Of A High School Janitor
- The Beating Of A High School Science Teacher
- The Beating Of A High School Spanish Teacher
- The Beer Song
- The Boss And The Secretary
- The Buffoon And The Dean Of Admissions
- The Buffoon And The Valedictorian
- The Chanuka Song
- The Chanukah Song
- The Chanukah Song (II)
- The Chanukah Song, Part II
- The Chanukah Song, Pt. 3 [radio Version]
- The Chaunaka Song (Part 3)
- The Cheerleader
- The Excited Southerner At A Job Interview
- The Excited Southerner Gets Pulled Over
- The Excited Southerner Meets Mel Gibson
- The Excited Southerner Orders A Meal
- The Excited Southerner Proposes To A Girl
- The Excited Southerner Proposes To A Woman
- The Goat Song
- The Grandma Song
- The Hannukah Oing
- The Hypnotist
- The Hypnotist feat Kevin Nealon
- The Lonesome Kicker
- The Longest Pee
- The Mayor Of Pussytown
- The Mule Session
- The Peeper
- The Psychotic Legend of Uncle Donnie
- The Respect Chant
- The Taliban Can
- The Thanksgiving Song
- They're All Gunna Laugh At You
- Toll Booth Willie
- Uses Of The Word Fuck
- Voodoo
- Ways To Get Bin Laden
- Welcome My Son
- What Do You Love
- What The Hell Happened To Me?
- Whore! Where Are You?!
- Yippie-Yo-Yo-Yea
- You Spin Me Right Round
- Zittly Van Zittles
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